18/02/12 John Carpenter's Vampires (1998)

Obviously made to pay John Carpenter's Mortgage or to pay the school fees of John Carpenter's Children, possibly even to contribute towards John Carpenter's Secret Underground Carrot Farm, I dunno. The one thing it didn't do was benefit John Carpenter's Once Great Reputation. Which is a shame as this guy is responsible for some of my favorite ever films:

The Thing
Escape From New York
They Live
Prince Of Darkness

The film's about James Wood playing a church endorsed vampire hunter who drives 'round dusty areas killing vampires with awkward looking props. It also involves a priest, a woman, the fat Baldwin, a jeep and stuff like that. It's a total mud-biscuit, such a shame as in his prime Carpentor could direct traffic and make it exciting.

In fairness, years ago I read the book this film was based on. That was also thundering bumwash.

Also, rather oddly, Wood's character spends a lot of time in the film musing on the torpidity of other men's penises. Must be something to do with having the surname Wood.

Wood. Hnib! Hnib!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120877/

                                          Possibly not an actual quote from the set.


2/10


                                                                 Perkin.