Low budget horror film that tries to combine Invasion Of The Body Snatchers with Carpenter's The Thing and, surprisingly, does a very good job of it.
A chap with a beard disappears in a flash of light then he wakes up naked in a forest two years later. He changes a bit in the time he's gone, and instead of throwing himself a welcome home party with a big cake, he starts killing people and inserting alien eggs into their bodies via a long, fleshy egg-pipe that comes out of his mouth. It all gets very bloody and then ends.
It's absolutely straight-up, with nothing complex or contrived, just a decent, well made horror film with some excellent, splatty practical effects. The only flaw is some of the acting is a little weak, one character in particular is amusingly bad in some scenes, otherwise it's a real little cracker and worth seeking out.
I meant to watch and review this ages ago, but then I forgot for 96 years.
Some fella with wonky hair and a dodgy leather suit decides to fly off to Mars so after practising in some wooden planes he presses ahead with the scheme. Surprisingly, him and his crew make it to the red planet, flying there in a steam and propeller powered bi-plane/dildo hybrid.
There's people living on Mars who are like some bunch of robe wearing space hippies. They look a bit like the weirdos at the end of The Wicker Man, but with no virgin plod blistering in a hamper. There also appears to be some bunch of cavemen types living on there who are the baddies or something. Anyway, one of the crew falls in love with a space lady, some old dude floats off in a boat on a space lake and then they come home.
It's honestly hard to judge this film by any kind of modern standards, or with a contemporary eye, but most people have seen enough footage of the silent era to know how 'silly' these things look, so if it's your sort of thing you'll probably love it. Me, I thought it was camp, fun, silly old guff. The picture quality, considering its century age, is also superb.
Street gangs were much more formal back then. This is the Oakwood 8-Tray Crips toasting the loss of their homies, G-Bomb and Lil' Nine-Gat.
"Hello, welcome to the Easyjet flight 4158 to the other side of this field. One of our staff will soon be coming round with a selection of snacks and gif... Never mind, we're on fire and about to crash. Planes are great back in these times!"
"Utter filth! You can see their ankles and everything!"
"Oh, sweet, darling Miriam. May... May I mash your tits?"
"Yes, Gary! Have a grip on them sin pillows!"
"Cheers, love. Gettin' a right bonk-on"
100 years ago this was all, like, Facebook and shit.
Mars. Basically the Glastonbury Festival in space.
"What does that valve do?"
"It's the complex control mechanism for the rocket engines. No, hang on, it's a breadmaker or something."
"So, you, er, don't know?"
"Haven't got a scooby, Cap'n."
Ha! In the tags, Ijust spelt it 'Marse'. LOLingtons.
The IMDB message boards are divided over this film. Half the people on there think that it's a profound future classic, making use of intentionally ambiguous dialogue and seemingly obscure scenes that require viewer interpretation to be truly appreciated.
The other half of people on there are telling the first bunch to stop talking out their arse and the film's a load of poo-splash.
One of those monster films where they don't fully reveal the monster until some way into the film. Odd as:
1. It's a sequel, if anyone had seen the original, they'd probably have a good idea what the baddie's gonna look like.
2. It's got the word Alligator in the cocking title. If it turned out that the thing living in the sewer, eating people was a massive hamster or a fat bloke, that might've been a surprise worth waiting for.
What is actually surprising is how boring the film is. The original was crapula nonsense but great fun, this one plays it too straight and rides the dullbus all the way to Tedium-Upon-Thames.
"Ha! Gary, you're drinking wine like a puff!"
"Shut up, Miriam."
I'd like to buy a boxy, dull looking car made of right angles and finished in an unappealing colour, please."
"Certainly, Sir. Take this Chrysler Blandox for an un-enthralling test pootle."
"I'm gonna make you a woman, Guttenberg!"
"Call me Deborah!"
Concrete Earth Mother is giving birth to a bad actor!
"What's the plan?"
"Hit tha, club, drop my latest phat DJ set, score some Crystal and bitches"
Stand up anyone who wants to be in Alligator 3...
Spoiler Alert: This is the bad guy.
Although those cunning 'Gators are masters of disguise. This one's trying to blend in by wearing a boat.
Eric Roberts seems to be appearing in every 8th or so film we watch. Many of them are not very good. This was possibly the not very goodiest of them all. It's some unlikely martial arts shit where people fly in and out of some pagoda with 500 floors or some shit like that.
Made when Mickey Rourke still had the face of a good looking human rather than a set of features drawn onto some loft insulation.
Anyway, he's a private eye who's hired by sinister egg-fondler, Robert DeNiro to find some chap who's been missing for a number of years. Seen this a few times and even now, there's small touches that I haven't picked up on before.
Potentially a little confusing, but if you haven't seen it, well worth a pop.
Made during that period when unsmiling, mechanical cinema dull-bot, Kevin Costner was inexplicably popular and appeared in lots of films that took three hours to tell a story that would comfortably fit into 80 minutes.
Apparently this version of the whole OK Coral/vendetta thing is slightly closer to the truth than Tombstone, but who cares? Tombstone's the one that's actually entertaining.