This got seriously
bollocksed by the reviewers when it came out. Dunno why, it's an enjoyable
enough load of nonsense. Why listen to the opinion of paid critics when you can
read this poorly thought out shit instead?
Although all opinions
on here are correct and should be adopted as your own.
apparent low budget, this Brit crime effort actually has some impressive
moments. It's not gonna blow your mind or anything, and it suffers from many of
the usual cliches, but it's not actually half as bad as I was expecting.
Whilst watching this,
I had a virtual peek around the Grosse Point area of Detroit online. Looks
quite posh. Surprising. We was under the impression that everywhere with a
Detroit postcode was pretty much just burnt-out rubble with occasional haunted
looking pigeon flapping about and equally burnt-out people with irregular
numbers of teeth and limbs.
eh? Where there's large numbers of poor, they'll always small numbers of rich
not too far away.
Although we enjoyed
it, it still doesn't deserve the amount of cultish love this film receives.
Hugely flawed, the
twist is, when given even the lightest of thought, unlikely to the point of
being nearly impossible. However, it's not the worst film we've ever seen and
it kept us watching all the way through.
effort about a chap who wakes up to find himself locked in his flat.
From what he can see
going on outside, there's been some kind of 'event' or outbreak, surprising it's not zombies, just yer standard contagion or bio-terrorism. So that's
Anyway, his immediate
neighbours break through the wall, and they manage to rapidly form what could
be considered a crisis resident's committee, and plan what to do as the world
all goes a bit bollock-shaped outside the block.
Y'know, the one where
briefly glimpsing some pubic hair became global headline news. Has Michael
Douglas ever been in a film that's good? I never really enjoyed the Romancing
The Stone films as much as everyone else seemed to, then there was this, Black
Rain where he pretended to be tough, er... Oh, One Night At McCall's, I seem to
be one of the few people who enjoyed that, although looking at it objectively,
that's also shit. Tried watching Coma, that one he done in the '70s quite a few
times, fallen asleep every time, as if the film's title is acting as a suggestion.
Fuck me!!! Falling
Down! How could I forget that?! What a great film. You really sympathise with
his character until it's revealed that he's a total cock-tip near the end.
Still a great film though.
Another teen horror
that's above the quality of most others.
A great turn from
from Robin McLeavy as the nutty young lady, she then went on to play the lady
with biro on her chin in Hell On Wheels. That's a good show. Makes me glad I
didn't work on the American railways in the 1860s. Pretty much everything appeared to have fallen over, blown up, got shot of suffered from disease back
then. If you know East Croydon station, imagine that but even worse and with
Still, life wasn't much better, or any better, over here back then.
On a tour of Highgate Cemetery (well worth doing, fascinating place!) the guide told us that average life expectancy for the working poor when the cemetery was built, was 22yrs old.
What? You read this
expecting actual film reviews? Don't be cocking daft. You silly sausage.
German soldiers, who
seem to have mostly been raised in the north-east of England judging by the
accents, come across some supernatural twaddle in some woods that make them age
quickly or something. I dunno, it was poor.
teenagers get so angry that an even angrier dead teenager comes back to life
and kills some people.
Actually not too bad
for a horror film involving teenagers, most of which become less and less
interesting the more distantly your own teen years fade behind you. I've been
out of my teens for over twenty years now, strange how they seem to leave the biggest
mark on your person, shaping who you become.
Frued and that lot
would say that your most formative years are those of infancy, and that
powerful events and bonds in those earliest of times are what make us the
adults we become. I'm not so sure, I think many of us pine for the more cogent
exploration of our middle-youth. I'd fucking love to spend my weekends doing
handbreak skids in cars of dubious legality, and having a libido that raged
like hell's furnace, like I did in my teen years, whereas sitting in a nappy
completely fascinated by bright colours and curious shapes is rubbish.
Oh yeah, the film's
half decent for that sort of thing, the start's stronger than the second half
Young rookie plodcop on her first ever shift is left to watch over a police station that's being permanently closed the next day.
Now call me a massive cowardly tart, but personally I'd fuck off and leave to place to itself after witnessing the first blood-covered demonic entity whispering evil threats in a disused cell, not hang around and finish my shift having to deal with loads of the bastards like the cop does.
Starts off well then becomes far too repetitive. Bit like life, really. Still, mustn't grumble.
Low-budget Brit film where everyone pretends it's the American wild west. The accents, clothing, locations and sets are all impressive given the obvious lack of big funding.
However, I found the pacing sagged a little and there was a couple of weak moments.
Also, there's a werewolf. Probably should've mentioned that.
Pretty fair effort.
Well, y'know, for a nonsense, ropey Britwolf effort.
Rarer than a
four-quid note, a low budget horror comedy that's actually funny, at times very.
No classic, but better than many that are considered such. Well worth a look if
you want some silly nonsense to enjoy.
Twat crashes car. His
injuries make him go a bit brain-wonky so his promising sporting career is
dropped in favour of becoming a dogsbody in a small town bank. Some people
befriend him under false pretenses so that they have an inside man when they
rob the place.
Considering what a bollocks they make of it they shouldn't have gone to all that effort.
Zoe Saldana has got a
very nice arse. Something the makers of this film realised to their advantage,
hence the numerous shots that linger on it in an attempt to make anyone
watching it forget how terrible the rest of it is.
Play the games,
they're much better. At least Rupert Friend looks less like an angry baby than
Timothy Olyphant did in the last shit film.
Rupert Friend and
Timothy Olyphant? Fucking hell, how much do those two sound like names a child
has given his two favourite teddy bears? The next Hitman film (which will also
be shit) has a high risk of having someone called Mr Pinkytoes or Eddy the
Fluff Bear in the title role.
Actually, Eddy the
Fluff Bear sounds more like he'd be in gay porn, but you get my point.
A young Spanish
couple are in a near-derelict block of flats. Can't remember why, think one of
'em might be looking to buy the small block as a fixer-upper, or maybe they're
well dressed tramps or they've sneaked in for a quick bumming. Anyway, they're
happily doing their thing when some baddies turn up and it all gets a bit
Very decent home
invasion flick up until the last twenty-five minutes when 'lumbering super
baddie' turns up and proceeds to be very unlikely and bollocks.
Similar to Sesame
Street, but with more rat-zombies.
Also, much much
better than a film about rat zombies with a total budget of potato should be,
that's probably down to it being a Jim Mickle/Nick Damici film. We are fans of
their efforts here on FilmPlop.
It's not really like
Sesame Street, the rest is true though.
Blimey, reading this
blog must be like standing at a bus stop. You wait two weeks for one then nineteen turn up at once.